There comes a time in your life when you, finally, realize that following you heart, sometimes, takes you to places you shouldn't be. Places that are scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring. Sometimes, your heart cannot take you to places that lead to happy ending. And that's quite alright, because you have come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter).

You realize that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through. There comes a time when you learn that saying is not doing, and action speaks louder than words. You realize that people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships, and that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to.

In the end, you realize that It’s okay to be fragile, to feel as if the smallest breeze will shatter you into a million pieces, and to cry when your heart is broken, and overwhelmed with sadness. You don't have to pretend that you're strong and put on a brave face. Letting your guard down doesn't mean that you're vulnerable, because just like how there's a rainbow after the rain, there's healing after the pain.

Những nỗi buồn ta không thể nói ra

Những nỗi buồn chỉ thoảng qua nhè nhẹ

Những nỗi buồn tưởng chừng như rất khẽ

Nhưng nó làm đau nhói trái tim ta

Walking along the beach on a lovely, gloomy day as I was mesmerized by the gentle rolling waves hitting the shoreline.The beach was quiet and calming. The wet sand tickled my toes as the ocean breeze fluttered my hair and gave me the goosebumps. It has been gloomy in more ways than one, but today, the sun was peeking out of the clouds, warming my soul like little rays of hope and faith on a spring morning. While my heart remains heavy, I am hopeful (and thankful)

It's impossible to avoid pain in life. Everyone has the ability to hurt and to be hurt. That is, people are going to hurt you now and then and vice versa. Most people don't want to hurt others, and choose not to. Some people make a bad choice, and hurt others. In the end, everyone hurts and gets hurt. What's more twisted is that sometimes, people don't even know that they're hurting others.

You always hurt the one you love, the one you should not hurt at all;
You always take the sweetest rose, and crush it till the petals fall;
You always break the kindest heart, with a hasty word you can't recall;
So if I broke your heart last night, it's because I love you most of all. The Mills Brothers

You always hurt the one you love. Why? How can you both love and hurt the same person? Sure, there are people who deliberately hurt another person and simultaneously claim to love that person when they don't. I'm not talking about those people. The people in question are the ones that actually love you. Why is the person that you love the most the one that causes you the most pain? How can the same person who brings you so much joy, yet, is also capable of hurting you deeply?

Is it because you're more emotionally invested in those you love the most, therefore, you have more to lose? Is it because you're so significant to each other that the slightest, most innocent remark or action can be interpreted as something hurtful even though it wasn't intended that way? Is it because the more you care, the more vulnerable you are to getting hurt? Or perhaps it's because when you love someone, your wall of security, the same wall that protects your softest and most tender parts from people in general, is not there anymore; therefore, you're more susceptible to pain?

Does love with out pain exist?

Love without pain, disappointment and frustration? Is that possible? Then again, do you really want a life without pain and anguish? What's happiness without pain, without tears, without sadness? Is it better to break one's heart than to do nothing with it? Would you rather take pain now and then over the lack of emotions, indifference, and ambivalence? Ambivalence, painless indifference, to me, is a dangerous feeling. It's damaging to the relationship, leaving you in a limbo, restless and indecisive state. But I digress. Perhaps another entry for another day.

Back to the question: Why do you hurt the one you love? I don't know. So many questions, so little answers. I wish my Xanga could talk back, sometimes.